小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，巴萨连续两场国家德比客场战胜皇马，利物浦闷平埃弗顿失掉榜首，曼城取胜成功登顶，阿森纳和热刺战平，曼联、切尔西则纷纷取胜。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
拉基蒂奇进球，巴萨1-0皇马
Archin_(皇马球迷)：开局攻势狂，附体南大王。越踢越勉强，沦为兵工厂。夺冠又凉凉，惟有争四忙。 (I swear we start a game like Bayern but then finsih off like arsenal, top 4 may be a realistic aim for us.)
inno_func(皇马球迷)：有谁知道梅西啥时候能去意甲吗？我帮一个朋友问的。(Any of you know when Messi is going to Serie A? Asking for a friend.)
Ambujpawar(巴萨球迷)：《论对梅西犯规而不得牌的101种方法》——拉莫斯。(Learn how to foul Messi and no get carded 101- By Sergio Ramos.)
CaptainDank0(巴萨球迷)：等我都找到女朋友了，皇马球员恐怕还没得黄牌呢！(I'll get a girlfriend before real madrid gets a yellow ffs.)
hi9(巴西球迷)：天呐皮克屌爆了！夏奇拉到底喂你吃了什么？(MY GOODNESS PIQUE, WHAT HAS SHAKIRA BEEN FEEDING YOU?)
ippoBigga(巴萨球迷)：C罗在哪里呀，C罗在哪里？(Dónde está serresiete, serresiete dónde está ?)
(注：西班牙语”Dónde está”意为 “在哪里”，合成词”serresiete”中的se, erre, siete分别指C, R, 7)
苏神梅开，巴萨3-0皇马
opi(波兰球迷)：裁判可能是从更衣室带的两张牌都是红牌，为了掩饰自己的错误，上半场只好一律不掏牌了…(Ref just picked up two red cards from a locker room by mistake, so he has to survive this half without reaching into a pocket.)
BenniMBXD(皇马球迷)：和我们踢比赛，梅西竟然破天荒的踢得这么烂，可我们最后还是输了…(finally when messi is shit against us for the first time ever, we still lose.)
MotherDucker9(皇马球迷)：我就说梅西不行吧，巴萨没他我们能输1-5，现在他上了，我们才输了0-3而已！(I mean Messi is just a fraud. It’s only 0-3 but when he didn’t play we lost 1-5.)
CanadaPal(曼城球迷)：一位18岁的天才少年闪耀国家德比，成为球队当场最佳球员，13年前也发生过同样的事，不同的是，那个少年进了3个球…(the last time an 18 year-old have been the best player for one time in an El Classico is about 13 years ago I’d say, but that boy did score 3 goals.)
PukeRainbowss(皇马球迷)：我该去找哪个津巴布韦的巫师来给维尼修斯的临门一脚开开光啊！(Which Zimbabwean shaman am I supposed to contact so he can help Vinicius start *ucfk**ing scoring.)
跌至第二，利物浦0-0埃弗顿
Cinefilini(本菲卡球迷)：萨拉赫这对球的感觉，竟比我跟妹子说话的时候更不自在…(Salah seems even more uncofortable with the ball than me when I'm talking with girls.)
Hisztendahl(曼城球迷)：当你和妹子说话的时候，就不要玩你的小球球了…(To be fair, you shouldn't be playing with your balls when you're talking to girls.)
Beingrudeispolite(曼联球迷)：真抱歉，都赖桑切斯昨天受伤了，打乱了利物浦踢球的节奏！(I apologise on behalf of United fans for sanchez's injury disrupting your rhythm Liverpool.)
ABloodEagle(曼联球迷)：不管是红色还是蓝色，今夜的曼彻斯特都是太妃糖球迷！(Red or blue we are all Toffee’s fan tonight.)
Billofrights_boris(多特蒙德球迷)：到底是多傻帽的球队，才能把7分的领先优势给浪没了？诶，你们别看我啊！(What kind of pathetic fool of a team would let a seven point lead go. Fuck don’t look at me.)
GroutGamer(阿森纳球迷)：曼城应当给埃弗顿颁发一个最佳守护奖！(Man City better give Everton a guard of honour.)
卢卡库梅开，曼联3-2逆转南安普顿
Kaztah(曼联球迷)：如果说近期的伤病潮还有点积极的作用的话，那就是桑切斯也受伤了，这样达洛特就可以出场了…(The only bright side with our current injury problem is that it now affects Sanchez too, so we can have Dalot on the field instead.)
ThisAfricanboy(曼联球迷)：别瞎说，今天桑切斯位置后撤以后明明踢得很好嘛！当然我指的是后撤到更衣室以后。(Disagree think he does best at right back. Right back to the change rooms.)
Bonny1999(曼联球迷)：南安普顿攻势太猛了！还好桑切斯伤退离场，才给了曼联趁机反扑的机会！(Southampton’s attack as amazing but the flow start got changed towards Man United when Alexis Sanchez got subbed off due to injury.)
Wordsmatter(曼联球迷)：费莱尼剪了头发去中超的原因，就是因为看到了钟塔西的发型…(Fellaini cut his hair and left the club cuz he saw Tahith Chong's hair.)
马赫雷斯进球，曼城1-0伯恩茅斯
creative_penguin(利物浦球迷)：有人去检 查一下埃德森到底上没上？直播镜头里一直看不到啊！(Has anyone checked on Ederson to see if he’s actually in net? I haven’t seen him in camera.)
Joe1027(纽约城球迷)：埃德森看了看球和风速，正准备上前去射门得分呢！(Ederson saw that ball and realized the wind, he’s going to try and score.)
Vadapaav(利物浦球迷)：也许埃德森根本不知道比赛开始了，现在正在玩Pokemon 抓小精灵呢！(I don't think Ederson knows this match is on. He is catching Pokemon.)
Travisinho123(未知主队球迷)：这支能让切尔西输0-4的球队，今天踢曼城竟然只能拿20%的控球率…(Chelsea lost 4-0 to this team that barely had 20% of the ball tonight...)
凯恩拉姆塞进球，热刺1-1阿森纳
stragen595(拜仁球迷)：如果VAR需要做广告的话，就拿这场比赛当反面素材就行…(If VAR needs advertisement just show this game.)
oTwojays(法国球迷)：至少这次裁判的瞎是双方都认同的吧…(At least both sides can agree the ref has been absolute shit.)
KVMechelen(未知主队球迷)：这场比赛真正的输家，其实是姆希塔良的发际线…(The real loser here is Mkhitaryan's hairline.)
SnakeJag(利物浦球迷)：热刺这踢得什么鬼，满脑子都去想踢多特蒙德了吗？(Is tottenham just so focused on Dortmund or what is going on?)
若日尼奥进球，切尔西2-1富勒姆
Chumlax(未知主队球迷)：要是伊瓜因不去植发，恐怕等退役的时候就成了光头了…(I do not think Higuain will have hair at the conclusion of his career without surgical intervention...)
calvin_mc1905(切尔西球迷)：虽然弱鸟球进得很少，但是他头发多呀；虽然弱鸟盘带很挫，但是长得很帅呀；虽然弱鸟没啥天赋，但是有的是钱呀！嘿嘿，真是个有意思的世界。(Jorginho doesn’t score a lot but does have a lot of hair, Jorginho doesn’t has a handsome dribble but does have a handsome face, Jorginho doesn’t have much talent but have much money. Well, what an interesting world)
凯帕未登场，切尔西2-0热刺
ixlHD(切尔西球迷)：今年卡巴列罗首发的比赛，我们的胜率是100%！(We have won 100% of the matches Caballero has started in goal in the league this year.)
FavelaCornelius(华沙球迷)：恭喜凯帕喜提蓝军执教生涯的首场胜利！(Congrats Kepa for getting his first win as Chelsea boss)
PDaddyXXX(阿森纳球迷)：凯帕真了不起，竟然决定让自己替补，绝对是赛季最佳教练！(I think it's really cool that Kepa decided to bench himself tonight. Manager of the season this guy.)
SheisNotRice(切尔西球迷)：应当让凯帕在第89分钟替补出场的，然后卡巴列罗再拒绝下场…(Should sub him on at 89th minute so Caballero can refuse to come off.)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们下期不见不散！（本文内容来源于懂球帝，部分内容有所删除，如侵权请联系删除）